she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
