I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
