my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
