the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
