did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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