At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i dont even know how to be here
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
