no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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