Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
