can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
