I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
