Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
