I'm going to rape someone's good day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize