Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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