about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
