I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
