I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
