I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
