I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
