this boner is exhausting
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
