haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
