the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
