Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
