Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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