The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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