I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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