If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
