Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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