Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
