The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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