Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
