i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
