Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
