When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
