I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
