i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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