Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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