My cat gives me a boner
vagina is talking i cant
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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