the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
