Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
