kristin has been a bad kristin
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
