the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
