I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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