I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
