Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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