so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
