i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
