Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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