if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
