Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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