Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
