well I can't set my house on fire every night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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