what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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