i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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