I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
