I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
