The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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