There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
