He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
