I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
