She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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