Who wears a wallet chain?!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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