Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
ttyl tear gas
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
