how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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