Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
