When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
