I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
