i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
