I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
