i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She bit a glass in half.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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