i may or may not be watching the land before time
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
