Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
