Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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