I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
