I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
